Sunday, May 10, 2009

My Mother, Myself, My Sister, My Niece ...

Mother's Day has changed for me, now that I have experienced the death of my only Sister, Wendy ... who incidentally ... is perched inside this Tulip. Talk about Heaven.

My Mother and Wendy share a bond quite different than the bond she and I share. Wendy was the 3rd and last child my Mom gave birth to after many miscarriages, and her delivery was life threatening. She grew up a spoiled and undisciplined Brat. Add one alcoholic Father and you get trouble. But over our adult relationship, we earned Black Belts in therapy and worked through our issues. Tons.

Wendy fostered many impressive characteristics in her own daughter, Catherine. In spite of her difficulties, she came through. And when she died, my life and my role in Catherine's life changed dramatically. I developed an automatic protective instinct that runs so deep in me that I almost go breathless when I try to describe it. I don't even try to compare it to Motherhood ... it can't be. It is wrenching. It is amazing. It's painful. It's wonderful. It's just like it should be ... it's love. Will I even be able to stand it when this beautiful, both inside and out, child, has children of her own ?

I vied for my Mother's attention my entire childhood. At times I still do. You see, there is my older Brother, Randy, in our mix. And we just go from one long period of not speaking to each other into another. Yet he and Mom have a bond too, that I am just not in on.

My Mother is a fantastic Lady. I didn't cause her much grief. And I'm not her Hunting Buddy. But at this stage, surrounding our circumstances, she depends on me ... And I do love that about us. It's not perfect ... it's just real. And she and I laugh a lot. Deep, long, and loud laughs. Happy Mother's Day, Mom ... and Wendy, and Catherine. I heart you, Girls !


  1. Very that Wendy is perched in a tulip. I am sure she is most places that you are!!!
    Happy Day to you. And you don't have to give birth to feel the motherly instinct and love....
    hugs, suz

  2. Sometimes we don't know whether to laugh or cry, but we know the one great truth - that God is solid. A lifetime of pain & confusion is washed away with the creation of 'Bug' and all the love that flows from her to you and you to her. You are blessed. As the song says, "Sometimes goodbye is a second chance..." I love you, girlfriend. Happy Aunt's Day!!

  3. Lovely and moving about your Sis, Mom, and Niece. The tulip photo is wonderful!

  4. These are beautiful musings. I love your honesty about the family dynamics...I daresay, we all have them (at least, my family does)!

    Your heart is huge and deep. Your love for Catherine is connected to your love for Wendy, yet it has its individual elements, too; it's all interwoven. I imagine that is a powerful life-force in each one of you, and a great blessing. XO